While I know that my worth and value as a human is innate, undisputable and equal to other human lives, the world we live in has shown me that that value and the right to live it in a dignified manner will not always be respected and upheld by many people and systems in which life places me.
Different laws and provisions have been put in place to uphold and protect that innate right to a dignified existence for all members of the human family, irrespective of differences across gender, race, religion, social strata, mental and physical capacities, geographical location, and all sorts of other differences. That should provide a foundation for access to the freedoms, safety, opportunities and resources to enable the development and expression of each human life’s potentials to the highest degree possible for it, not only for its benefit, but to the benefit of humanity and the world ecosystem as a whole.
One could easily think and expect therefore, that the respect to fundamental rights and protections for each human life should not have to be debated. And yet, every day, the evidence and lived reality of so many people tell a different story.
Humans seem inclined to take advantage of any group or person that they deem to have or be placed in any sort of disadvantage, whether this disadvantage be brought about by nature and biology or by exploitative manmade systems and ideologies. We see this all over the world at local and global levels, between and across different groups of people differing in race and ethnicity, gender, social and financial strata, work place hierarchies, and political systems.
While acknowledging the discriminations and inequalities that continually exist across different groups of people, nowhere have I felt and experienced it more than firstly, in my lived experience as a woman, and secondly as a person of the black race. The lived experience as a woman is an everyday experience and the main focus of this reflection. However, biases and inequalities based on race are real and undeniable; but that’s a story for another day.
While growing up, I heard whispers as well as loud conversations within the society around me about boys and men being considered first before girls and women. And while the generations of our mothers and foremothers had come from such backgrounds, there was no explicit indoctrination and teaching to me and my siblings about women coming second or last after men. We shared the home chores and were all given opportunity to go to school. The message and picture we received was that girls can grow into women who own their lives as well as resources to support their lives to thrive. The schools I went to gave me the same understanding.
Despite that upbringing, I was still very much aware of the widespread gender inequalities and biases around me and society at large, and the disadvantaged position women and girls live(d) in that is widespread and deeply embedded within the day-to-day living experience. Many traditional, cultural and religious teachings and conditionings have consistently placed the woman second to and in service to the man, with a few alternative teachings within these same structures upholding her in equal placing as a human. Most of the legal systems also still put the man at advantage.
While I’ve always known my innate equality to other human lives and was never taught to doubt this while growing up, like many girls and women, I have not managed to survive the cruelty of the unequal and discriminative set-up of this world. While my upbringing, education and the ability to work and make a living gave me a head-start and some level of protection, I have still not escaped many of the poisonous stings of inequality and their effects.
Gender discrimination and exploitation follows us around like a shadow in so many spheres of life. It is tempting for many people to relate gender disadvantage to women living at the lower economic, educational and social strata, and assume that a modern educated woman is spared. But the reality is different. Many are still fighting or negotiating, if at all, to have an equal place, voice and decision-making power in our society.
Many a modern woman who assumes equality as she steps into the spheres of work in this world gets the shock of her life when the reality shows her that even if equality is her innate unquestionable right, it will not always be guaranteed by fellow humans around her or by the systems that are meant to respect and protect that innate right.
In many family settings, most women have been conditioned to have their voice, opinion, and decision to come in second after that of the men in their lives, whether that be a father, a brother or a partner, and they are encouraged or coerced to entrust their lives into the hands of these men. Challenging this approach is rarely welcomed, and is sometimes actively resisted or punished. And since these men don’t always have the women’s best interests at heart, many times the women find themselves on the losing end.
Many of us have witnessed or experienced and cannot deny the rampant existence of scenarios such as these below:
- Most women have no shared equal or fair ownership of the land and properties they contribute to acquiring or developing, and often lose their share should disputes arise especially if they do not have clear documentation of their contribution or ownership.
- Many women are expected by default and without question, to bear children, never considering the option that they may not want to.
- There’s widespread expectation and imposition on women to provide uncompensated domestic labour and child care without question and with little or no help from their spouses, even when many of these women have a day job or economic activity that brings in financial contribution into the home.
- Women are expected or demanded to be the default carers for members of the family, whether primary or extended should a family member become ill or incapacitated.
- Many women are left with children to look after on their own with little or no support when relationships or marriages come to an end.
- We know of widespread gender based violence that never gets addressed within families and by the legal systems, all because it may be seen as nothing serious or because of the tedious task of proving it beyond reasonable doubt.
We also see “women’s place in society” depicted in popular media. The culture and practice is so deeply embedded within society’s psyche that even most women themselves don’t realise it or its impact on their lives. Most people take it as “that’s the way life is”.
Certainly, all the manifestations and practices of gender inequalities we experience every day cannot be covered in this one reflection. But they are many and deeply pervasive.
Over some years now, I’ve come to the realisation that the world around us will not always uphold our innate right as equals, deserving of fairness, justice and dignity. So while we continue to advocate and take action towards having systems that uphold our rights and dignity, in the interim, it’s imperative for us to walk through this world with our minds wide awake and our eyes wide open.
We cannot assume that people will have our best interests at heart and protect them. It is upon us to take a pragmatic approach that takes our safety and interests into consideration and therefore protect them. Let us be aware that:
- The systems won’t always automatically create space for us to take up leadership and other engagements that uplift our lives. We must actively pursue and claim our place in these spaces. And we must be the first to support each other while in those spaces, and also reach out and pull other women along and up. The more of us there are in these spaces and the more collectively we stand together for each other and contribute to the decisions that operate the systems we live in, the better for us and for the world.
- Our time, labour, and energy are assets that will continually be extracted from us unless we realise that we are not slaves to culture, tradition, religion and unreasonable societal expectations. With that understanding, we can protect these assets and instead, put them in spaces that deserve them.
- Our resources will continue to be extracted and misappropriated to our disadvantage unless we protect them through documentation and legal ownership. Trust, love, and all the nurturing care and instinct to serve and save others are not enough to protect us from exploitation; they need to co-exist with legal back-ups where necessary.
- Our bodies and personhood are not guaranteed safety and protection even by the spaces and systems we’ve been conditioned to trust. So while we can allow ourselves to live free and with peace of mind as much as possible, we ought to be our own very first agents of protection, taking the measures we can to ensure our safety while continuing to hold systems accountable.
- In day-to-day life, society almost always considers women after those it considers as “first citizens” of life. It is up to us to claim our place and not always allow to be displaced and pushed to the back.
It is clear that ownership of our personhood, voice, body, choice, and agency so far doesn’t come freely to many women even if that ownership is innate and is our right as provided by law. It cannot be assumed guaranteed by those around us, or by the systems and laws, because in reality and practice, the experience is contrary. So we must do our fair share of claiming, protecting and advocating for those aspects of our lives.
It’s about lifting our heads out of the sand in which we are encouraged to bury them, and living with minds wide awake, and eyes wide open, and hands and voices ready to be at work in protecting ourselves, our dignity and our thrival in these unequal world systems.
