Being a woman is quite costly. It’s imperative that we do what we can to ensure we get and control the resources we need to take us through life, while managing whatever we have, very well.
Recently, I got reminded of this cost – of being a woman. “What’s the cost?” I asked. “290,000UGX (about $83 at the time of writing),” she replied. I was like, “what?” We are talking about the Ugandan economy, for the average person like me. I was in the doctor’s office, consulting about some help I needed to balance my hormones better. I like to take care of my health, so I eat as healthfully as I can. But I also know that it’s hard to get all the nutrients I need from the food that I eat. So now and then when I can, I give myself a boost with a top-up of good quality supplements. I get the benefits, but at a high cost. The quoted price was for a one-month’s (or less) dosage. I first sat there in silence, making some calculations within my head, and asking myself if it was a worthwhile investment. Eventually I decided that I was worth the investment in my health and wellbeing, after all, how many other things do I spend on for myself? My health is the pillar that supports me to do all the other stuff in my life, so I agreed to get the treatment, even if it pained my pocket.
While I have enjoyed many aspects of being a woman, every day I am bombarded with the reality of being a woman in this world and the cost that comes with it on so many fronts.
The cost starts early in childhood. Parents spend on little girls in ways they may not spend on boys. From a young age, girls’ hair demands more. Girls seem to need more clothes, prettier ones at that, and it all comes at a cost. There is a certain image that’s silently communicated about how girls should look. Personally, my mum didn’t have that money, and my hair used to be done in plain plaits. But it cost me time to sit down and have it plaited often. It also came with some scalp pain. Interestingly, life gave me girls with big hair. And they love their hair. I took on the responsibility to do their hair since they were babies. The few times I tried hairdressers, I didn’t like the pain they were subjected to so we went back to me handling it. Although now that they have grown a bit, now and then we get the services of a trusted and kind hairdresser, or their older cousin steps in. I chose not to spend money on hair decorations – our money had other priorities. So the costs come in terms of shampoos and hair oils, time spent and sometimes the physical pain of plaiting.
Come adolescence and then menstruation starts, with its monthly recurring demands for hygiene products, which can be quite expensive for one with limited resources. It’s not only the money, it comes with hormonal fluctuations which come with their own pains. Many experience painful cramps, headaches and so much more. Add to this the stigma that comes with periods, and the emotional toil of constantly checking to see that nothing has leaked through the panties or clothes. Only a girl/woman can truly understand this.
Then comes childbirth, for those who choose to give birth. It is so costly!! Physically, physiologically, emotionally, mentally, financially, socially, and more. Our bodies swell. We crave unbelievable stuff. Our abdominal muscles get stretched to levels they may never return to. Our joints and bones get impacted through the pregnancy and breastfeeding, and often get depleted of vital nutrients if we don’t adequately replenish the supply. We get stretch marks. We throw up. Our bodies stretch and sometimes tear to push the baby out. And sometimes we are supposed to pretend it is easy and okay. The pain of labour! I remember calling Jesus and my mother at the height of it during the birth of my first child. For the second, I was lucky I was asked about pain relief, which I got; it made the process smoother. For my 3rd child, I needed a C-section; that comes with its own costs and scars. Some women lose their life due to complications related to pregnancy or child birth.
Then comes the cost of caretaking and bringing up children. Some women get help, but many don’t. It’s a lot of labour we put in. It’s financial, physical, mental, emotional, social, and more. Endless childcare chores. Sleepless nights – it’s like night duty without leave, until they are a bit grown. Physical and mental exhaustion. And the time costs involved are humongous. And we are supposed to take all these duties like they are holy duties for which we shouldn’t ask for help and about which we should not complain at all. Most women’s bodies are never the same after pregnancy and childbirth. Then we get the bashing about letting our bodies “go,” as if childbirth was just a walk in the park from which we only got a few droplets of sweat.
If one decides to take contraception to avert or space pregnancies, that too comes with its own costs to the woman. It’s not just the money, but the side effects that come with it including cycle changes, mood changes, weight changes, physiological changes that affect different aspects of our health, and hormonal changes that may negatively impact our sexuality.
Then comes ensuring the security that we need for just possessing a woman’s body. The emotional toil and toll of just staying safe is a cost. We have to ensure secure living and housing if we can afford it – many don’t have the privilege to ensure this. Avoiding certain places becomes another chore, with costs. Even when you could walk to or from certain places and save money or improve your fitness, you may need to take a cab or motorbike instead, for safety reasons – hopefully the mode of transport is safe.
Then come perimenopause and menopause, with the associated bodily and hormonal changes. Libido starts playing hide and seek with us, bones and joints start playing games, the sweats and hot flushes, anxiety, fluctuating sleep patterns, and so much more, all become frequent guests in our lives. Now we start looking for solutions to counter these. And it all comes with costs: emotional mental, financial, sexual and relationship-wise.
We also lose out on resource building, accumulation and expansion through biased employment structures that don’t always pay women fairly for their effort, and through time and energy spent on pregnancy, child-raising, and on caring for other members within the family and community, and through costs incurred while attending to the challenges of our reproductive system.
The systems in place don’t necessarily favour us. Should a marriage or relationship collapse, we may be left bare, with no housing or support for the children born out of that relationship. Most times, courts of law can only go so far, and we probably don’t want to spend a big chunk of our life and energy in courts running after people. And it takes a lot of resources to raise children.
What about our hygiene and cosmetic products? Research shows that women’s products cost more, as compared to men’s products. And the pressure to use these products to show up in a certain way, based on certain societal standards and expectations, is real. That costs us financially, emotionally and in terms of time.
Yeah! It sounds like a grim picture, and not everyone may resonate with it, but it’s a reality for many women. And it might be a long way to getting to a place where we get the support we so rightly and desperately need. But in the meantime, it is us to start saving ourselves, instead of waiting for someone to come and save us.
Perhaps we might want to mind where we allow life to cost us. While the changes we can make are numerous, we may want to ponder and take action on a few areas of our lives depending on our circumstances and what life stage we are at.
- What if we revisit the societal mantra that “women are provided for by their men” and actually go about pursuing, building and managing well our own resources? Because we know the reality of being provided for is different for many women, and not every woman will end up with a partner. And, given opportunity and good physical health, we are grown humans that are capable of taking on the responsibility for our lives rather than leaving ourselves at the mercy of someone else.
- What if we carefully choose the kind of partner we want to build a life with and or have kids with? Because this choice can either contribute to our growth or it can sink us.
- What if we planned ahead for the children we’ll have, and plan as if we’ll be their only support and therefore carefully choose to have only the ones we can support in case no co-parent or support system is present to share the responsibility? Because, life happens and we may end up having to do the job of child-raising mostly on our own!
- What if we become picky about the material stuff we spend our money on by leaving out the unnecessary stuff we are driven to get to meet societal expectations and demands? We could instead spend on the things that nurture and bring us a real life upgrade in and out, things that improve our life financially, mentally, socially, and health-wise.
- What if we mind where we spend our time and energy? Because, it costs us.
- What if we choose to prioritise our health and invest in it? Because it’ll serve us better than those expenditures we take on just to impress people temporarily.
- What if we centre ourselves in our life and prioritise ourselves as opposed to always putting and caring so much for others first? We need to put on our oxygen masks first before we can care for or support others. And, we too matter!
- What if we choose to support other women’s businesses and careers, and other areas where possible and appropriate? This will contribute to bettering our lives as we support and push each other some steps forward and up.
These are all considerations. We can choose to carefully ration how and where we spend our emotional, mental, social, physical and financial energy based on our priorities, because it matters. Being a woman already costs so much. It’s imperative that we only add costs that serve us and our life’s purpose, whatever that may be to each of us.
